Butterfly Kisses From Beyond

 It doesn't seem to matter how much time passes since our loved one was taken from this physical realm.  There will be moments that hit you like a brick, and the emptiness fills your shredded heart. Sometimes I catch a glance at my son's photo, and I yearn for his presence.  I know he comes to me in a spiritual way, to comfort me in the moment but I long for more.   The last days of his existence in this world plaque my mind, and I wish we had talked longer, hugged, and made the most of our last moments together.  Unfortunately, they ways of the world overtook us, as we had to cut his birthday celebration short as the next work day was looming over the evening. I remember picking him up the next morning to drive him to work, and as our last minutes were fading, we were consumed with the time on the clock.  We were running late on the highway, and when I pulled into the community to drop him off, the cement truck was waiting for him. He grabbed his item...

 Our hearts are split into two, as we maneuver through one world, begging for the next. Our lives are intertwined through the fabric of time and space... and the universe beckons us forward. When you are thrust into a sea of grief, you aren't sure how to gain the footing you require to stand upon this Earth.  Your heart sees everything around you that has woven itself into your current life here... but there still remains a gnawing wonder of what it is like on the other side of death. Your loved one has transitioned into the "unknown" and you long for their presence, even when you are standing in the midst of your family and friends.  You are surrounded by those you care about, and your thoughts float off into the dark crevasses of the mind to explore where you also want to be. Over the years, I have discovered that this twinge of pain will forever be present in my life here.  I have one child on the other side, while the other is basking in all that life has to offe...

 The road is rocky when it comes to losing a child. The path takes you to highs and lows, and you experience the wonderment  and detriment of life in the same breath. Over the last five years, I have learned lessons that I never would have experienced had I not been thrust into the label of a bereaved parent. I can honestly say that I likely would not have pondered the meaning of life and death so internally, if I had lived a life of certainty and basked within the traditional milestones. This is definitely not a journey I would ever want to repeat, but I am trying to understand what life is showing me... teaching me even. When you have something ripped out of your life in such an inhumane way, it startles your entire existence, and you are left standing there holding the bandage, as your wound bleeds all over the ground below you. You aren't sure what you are possibly going to do to survive the pain that is rushing towards you like a speeding freight train.  You simply s...

 For those who are suffering from the loss of a loved one, it appears on the surface that they are no longer with us. The physical connection is an overpowering obstacle to bear when someone we love transitions from this world into the next realm. It takes a willingness to learn about death from different perspectives, and a journey not many people want to take.  When faced with the loss of someone we love, we have never chosen a destiny filled with pain and sadness; however, our lives are submersed within this context by force. Our love lingers in our hearts, without a path to follow in the beginning of grief.  Only through understanding and research, can we discover what intricate details lie within the fabric of our existence.  We assure ourselves that we are not going crazy at exploring this side of our world, as our thoughts can be riddled with curiosity and wonder. Through reading and studying, it is possible to give notion to something more beyond this world....

 After the death of a child, the world views you in a different light. The sorrow that surrounds the looks from other parents don't go unnoticed.  After joining the bereaved parents' club against my will, I noticed that people began to look at me differently.  It was like you could feel their sympathy at every encounter for the pain they knew I was enduring. I believe Emily Graham explained this best when she wrote the following: All eyes on me… wondering how I could possibly go on when they knew there was no way they could.  Time slowly passes. I’m known as the mom whose kid died.  There’s an awkwardness in our interactions – like you’re afraid it’s something you can catch.  I assure you it’s not. You’re not sure what to say. It seems the most comfortable thing to do is pretend nothing happened.  Yet, that doesn’t really work either.  I still feel all eyes on me.  When will she go back to normal? They say you should never let your loss defin...

He may look strong on the outside, but he too has a broken heart. Sometimes, we neglect to realize in our society that Fathers hurt, just as much as Moms. When planning your Father's Day activities this coming weekend, don't forget to reach a caring hand to those Dads who have lost a child.  Sometimes, we forget that men hurt too, and they are usually suffering in silence, as they have been taught to hide their true feelings. When a child dies, people tend to swarm around the Mother, as they just can't imagine what it would be like to give birth to a baby, only to lose it somewhere down the line of life.  In the background, the man stands silently, as his heart is bleeding all over the floor, and no one turns around to notice.  They may get a pat on the shoulder, as condolences are whispered, but they too are sobbing uncontrollably, even though their cries for help are usually buried amid masculinity. Anyone facing the loss of a child knows how deep...

"How Many Children Do You Have?" This was the worst question I faced when I was a newly bereaved parent. A simple question from a fellow stranger, who was just trying to  make "small-talk" and they come out with a loaded question that hits us like a brick. During my early days of child loss, I dreaded this question, every time I met someone new.  It could have been a casual meeting of shooting the breeze with a stranger in a line of people, or walking into a new insurance office just to get a quote... It was always the same type of dribble that scared me the most.  My mind was plagued with worry, as I sat there hoping they wouldn't ask me, in fear that I would burst out crying in the middle of our first encounter. In the beginning, I struggled with this question, as I wasn't sure how to answer or the alternative of getting into a whole explanation of why I say 3 instead of 4... is that right, or do I acknowledge the 4th and give a litt...

Women everywhere are struggling to hold it together this upcoming weekend. Mothers who have lost children deserve a little extra care this Mother's Day. It is an ongoing emotional battle that strikes without notice when it comes to bereavement.  The simplest of holidays can jar an internal tsunami of pain that many people don't realize who have never lost a child. Growing up, celebrating Mother's Day was always such an honour, as it allowed us to shower our own Mothers in praise, and love for all that she does for us.  I am truly blessed to still have my Mom here on this planet, as many around me don't have the luxury of that bond.  My heart hurts for them, as they struggle with their own loss during a day that says so much of what their heart is bearing. This article only focuses on the Moms who have lost children, as I know this pain firsthand.   I still try to hold a special place for the celebration of Mother's Day, as I have m...

Two years ago, I lost my eighteen year old son in a vehicle collision.  My world was completely devastated and over the past couple of years, I have delved into reading everything I could about the Afterlife.  Earlier this year, a couple of family members went to a medium and my son came through without fail.  A bunch of us have visited this lady in the past two years and she didn't know any of us were connected to each other and my son came through every single reading.  She definitely has a gift and I am convinced she is legit by all the things she could not have known otherwise. I was thinking about something she relayed to my sister during her reading this past spring.  She said that my son told her that it wasn't that he didn't like being in spirit world but he still really wished he was living here with us.  She said he was acclimating into spirit world just fine.  Today, I pondered what that statement truly meant.  It's like when yo...