Butterfly Kisses From Beyond

 It doesn't seem to matter how much time passes since our loved one was taken from this physical realm.  There will be moments that hit you like a brick, and the emptiness fills your shredded heart. Sometimes I catch a glance at my son's photo, and I yearn for his presence.  I know he comes to me in a spiritual way, to comfort me in the moment but I long for more.   The last days of his existence in this world plaque my mind, and I wish we had talked longer, hugged, and made the most of our last moments together.  Unfortunately, they ways of the world overtook us, as we had to cut his birthday celebration short as the next work day was looming over the evening. I remember picking him up the next morning to drive him to work, and as our last minutes were fading, we were consumed with the time on the clock.  We were running late on the highway, and when I pulled into the community to drop him off, the cement truck was waiting for him. He grabbed his item...

 Many people have heard the phrase, "time heals all wounds"... In the case of grief, this is not necessarily correct.  Grief does transform as time passes; however, it never really truly ceases to exist. When you are first faced with the loss of a loved one, the pain is raw and emotional.  The feelings of helplessness and emptiness fill your entire being with dread.  Sometimes the emotions are so overwhelming, it's hard to imagine that the pain in your heart will ever stop aching. In my own journey of loss, I have watched my grief transform in many ways.  As I write this, I can't even fathom that I have existed on this planet without my son in physical presence for almost seven years.  In the early days of his passing, my heart was shattered and at that time, beyond repair.  It brought me into a tail-spin of crushing trauma to realize that I had to go on living, when I thought he could not. Over the course of my heart-wrenching journey, I've realized t...

 Our hearts are split into two, as we maneuver through one world, begging for the next. Our lives are intertwined through the fabric of time and space... and the universe beckons us forward. When you are thrust into a sea of grief, you aren't sure how to gain the footing you require to stand upon this Earth.  Your heart sees everything around you that has woven itself into your current life here... but there still remains a gnawing wonder of what it is like on the other side of death. Your loved one has transitioned into the "unknown" and you long for their presence, even when you are standing in the midst of your family and friends.  You are surrounded by those you care about, and your thoughts float off into the dark crevasses of the mind to explore where you also want to be. Over the years, I have discovered that this twinge of pain will forever be present in my life here.  I have one child on the other side, while the other is basking in all that life has to offe...

 The road is rocky when it comes to losing a child. The path takes you to highs and lows, and you experience the wonderment  and detriment of life in the same breath. Over the last five years, I have learned lessons that I never would have experienced had I not been thrust into the label of a bereaved parent. I can honestly say that I likely would not have pondered the meaning of life and death so internally, if I had lived a life of certainty and basked within the traditional milestones. This is definitely not a journey I would ever want to repeat, but I am trying to understand what life is showing me... teaching me even. When you have something ripped out of your life in such an inhumane way, it startles your entire existence, and you are left standing there holding the bandage, as your wound bleeds all over the ground below you. You aren't sure what you are possibly going to do to survive the pain that is rushing towards you like a speeding freight train.  You simply s...

 For those who are suffering from the loss of a loved one, it appears on the surface that they are no longer with us. The physical connection is an overpowering obstacle to bear when someone we love transitions from this world into the next realm. It takes a willingness to learn about death from different perspectives, and a journey not many people want to take.  When faced with the loss of someone we love, we have never chosen a destiny filled with pain and sadness; however, our lives are submersed within this context by force. Our love lingers in our hearts, without a path to follow in the beginning of grief.  Only through understanding and research, can we discover what intricate details lie within the fabric of our existence.  We assure ourselves that we are not going crazy at exploring this side of our world, as our thoughts can be riddled with curiosity and wonder. Through reading and studying, it is possible to give notion to something more beyond this world....

 It is an interesting question to ponder... our reason for being here. Do you have any inclination as to why you are undergoing the challenges of life? It appears on the surface that we are immersed in this thing called life, so we can explore our paths and opportunities, but perhaps there is more to the story? If we were living this life for no apparent reason, it would seem a little mundane and bothersome to experience turmoil, suffering, and emotional upheaval.  If that isn't the case, then why are we here? In my opinion, we are trying to learn something.  A variety of studies have been placed before us, and no two individuals will receive the same curriculum.  If I have already experienced one particular lesson, then there would be no need to repeat it (unless of course, I failed in my attempt at successfully learning the point of the situation). We must remember that others may undergo lessons similar to ours, but in no way is our test paper equivalent to the an...

To some, it may not seem possible that one could live through  the loss of a child, and still experience joy...  I have been walking the struggle of grief since 2015, and in some moments I allow my thoughts to wallow in solitude of all that I have lost.  I let my stomach churn at the detriment of the future I must live, without the physical presence of my son... I wilt in desolation at the fading memories of times when my children were young, when the thought of death eluded me.  I had no clue what was in store, as I would have counted my minutes ever so slowly, had I known they would be short-lived with my son.  Eighteen years is a drop in the bucket of life, and every instance I spent with my son seems so obscure now, as the time forces its ugly prey against my mind.  He will forever be alive and content in my heart, even when age washes the details of our encounters ever so slightly as time erodes the miraculous moments we spent together. ...