The Hurtful Things People Say When You're Grieving

By -
... Even the best of intentions are misread by those who are grieving.



When the supporters of the grieving just can't get 
their words to match what's in their heart...

It appears there are many people that are inept at trying to comfort the individuals who are suffering from loss.  There are times that others wish to speed up the process, or just sweep it all under the rug, like the death never happened.

If you've been on the receiving end of someone's incapability to be truly empathetic, you may find it difficult to fathom that some people can be so selfish, when you need them the most.

Many times, people just don't understand what grievers are going through, and they make comments that one should hurry up and move on, or that focusing on the death of their loved one, is somehow hindering their progress to "get over" grief.  It is unfortunate to be the one who is hurting and have to receive comments like this from their peers and family members.  Not everyone has the capacity to help you through mourning, and sometimes you just have to let their opinions fade, as you know in your heart that they likely mean well, but their actions or words are more detrimental to your process.

When being pushed up against the wall by statements, or viewpoints that do nothing to support your grief, release the rein that you allow these people to have over you.  It may even be someone as close as your spouse, that wants you to "let go" of the pain you are still hanging onto from the loss of a child, parent, or someone else that was close to you.  

Many times, people do not know what to say, or how to help, and their words become hallow reminders that grief is as unique and individual as every human on this planet.  We are all different and cope in various ways.  No only truly knows what you are feeling, thinking, or what your heart portrays.  Step back from the notion that these opinions are exacts, as the truth can only come from you, for you.  No one else knows what you need.  They may try to tell you what they believe is best for you, but this is an impossible task.

Listen to your own heart, and if you have trouble hearing the answers... be still.  Close your eyes and retreat into the silence of your mind... letting the distractions and thoughts bounce away, as they try to disturb your connection with yourself.  

This is the only place where the answers lie for you.


Subscribe to the Butterfly Kisses From Beyond Grief Blog HERE


MORE GRIEF RESOURCES HERE






Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Wonderful Mother's Day Surprise From My Son In Heaven

By -
Image
Messages from beyond can soar a heart to grand levels. The veil is thinner than we think! Yesterday was Mother's Day and for a parent who has lost a child, it can be an emotional time with plenty of heartache to go around. For days leading up to Mother's Day, the pain in my heart did not cease to make me notice it.  I called out to my son multiple times, telling him I would love a sign and reassurance from him that he wasn't far from my current world. The hours ticked on yesterday, as I spent some time with my Mom and Daughter, as I couldn't bare to be away from them.  I searched desperately for some type of recognition that my son had somehow gotten a Mother's Day message to me in some way.  I stopped by the cemetery to visit his grave, and a little chipmunk ran along a tree trunk laying in the bush, but otherwise, all was silent. On my drive home last night, a red cardinal flew across the road, directly in front of my car (which in fact
Read more

Tucking A Shredded Heart Back In Where It Belongs

By -
Image
 It doesn't seem to matter how much time passes since our loved one was taken from this physical realm.  There will be moments that hit you like a brick, and the emptiness fills your shredded heart. Sometimes I catch a glance at my son's photo, and I yearn for his presence.  I know he comes to me in a spiritual way, to comfort me in the moment but I long for more.   The last days of his existence in this world plaque my mind, and I wish we had talked longer, hugged, and made the most of our last moments together.  Unfortunately, they ways of the world overtook us, as we had to cut his birthday celebration short as the next work day was looming over the evening. I remember picking him up the next morning to drive him to work, and as our last minutes were fading, we were consumed with the time on the clock.  We were running late on the highway, and when I pulled into the community to drop him off, the cement truck was waiting for him. He grabbed his items and rushed out of my car
Read more

How Grief Transforms As Time Passes

By -
Image
 Many people have heard the phrase, "time heals all wounds"... In the case of grief, this is not necessarily correct.  Grief does transform as time passes; however, it never really truly ceases to exist. When you are first faced with the loss of a loved one, the pain is raw and emotional.  The feelings of helplessness and emptiness fill your entire being with dread.  Sometimes the emotions are so overwhelming, it's hard to imagine that the pain in your heart will ever stop aching. In my own journey of loss, I have watched my grief transform in many ways.  As I write this, I can't even fathom that I have existed on this planet without my son in physical presence for almost seven years.  In the early days of his passing, my heart was shattered and at that time, beyond repair.  It brought me into a tail-spin of crushing trauma to realize that I had to go on living, when I thought he could not. Over the course of my heart-wrenching journey, I've realized that my belie
Read more