The Hurtful Things People Say When You're Grieving

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... Even the best of intentions are misread by those who are grieving.



When the supporters of the grieving just can't get 
their words to match what's in their heart...

It appears there are many people that are inept at trying to comfort the individuals who are suffering from loss.  There are times that others wish to speed up the process, or just sweep it all under the rug, like the death never happened.

If you've been on the receiving end of someone's incapability to be truly empathetic, you may find it difficult to fathom that some people can be so selfish, when you need them the most.

Many times, people just don't understand what grievers are going through, and they make comments that one should hurry up and move on, or that focusing on the death of their loved one, is somehow hindering their progress to "get over" grief.  It is unfortunate to be the one who is hurting and have to receive comments like this from their peers and family members.  Not everyone has the capacity to help you through mourning, and sometimes you just have to let their opinions fade, as you know in your heart that they likely mean well, but their actions or words are more detrimental to your process.

When being pushed up against the wall by statements, or viewpoints that do nothing to support your grief, release the rein that you allow these people to have over you.  It may even be someone as close as your spouse, that wants you to "let go" of the pain you are still hanging onto from the loss of a child, parent, or someone else that was close to you.  

Many times, people do not know what to say, or how to help, and their words become hallow reminders that grief is as unique and individual as every human on this planet.  We are all different and cope in various ways.  No only truly knows what you are feeling, thinking, or what your heart portrays.  Step back from the notion that these opinions are exacts, as the truth can only come from you, for you.  No one else knows what you need.  They may try to tell you what they believe is best for you, but this is an impossible task.

Listen to your own heart, and if you have trouble hearing the answers... be still.  Close your eyes and retreat into the silence of your mind... letting the distractions and thoughts bounce away, as they try to disturb your connection with yourself.  

This is the only place where the answers lie for you.


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