A Moment Of Joy... Within The Journey Of Grief

By -
To some, it may not seem possible that one could live through 
the loss of a child, and still experience joy... 



I have been walking the struggle of grief since 2015, and in some moments I allow my thoughts to wallow in solitude of all that I have lost.  I let my stomach churn at the detriment of the future I must live, without the physical presence of my son... I wilt in desolation at the fading memories of times when my children were young, when the thought of death eluded me.  I had no clue what was in store, as I would have counted my minutes ever so slowly, had I known they would be short-lived with my son.  Eighteen years is a drop in the bucket of life, and every instance I spent with my son seems so obscure now, as the time forces its ugly prey against my mind.  He will forever be alive and content in my heart, even when age washes the details of our encounters ever so slightly as time erodes the miraculous moments we spent together.

Not everything I have endured since his passing has been a burden, as I have been able to focus on the joy that surrounds me.  Sometimes, it is difficult to reposition the mind to a better-feeling place, but I urge myself on wards, as I know life is a ticking time bomb.  Our time here is not guaranteed, and I intend on fulfilling aspects of this human life span in ways that could never be accomplished if I settled into the fragments of my mind in sorrow.

Recently, a moment captured my whole being, and I realized how incredible the life that surrounds me truly is.  I was armed with a relaxing seat on my daughter's couch, as she went to retrieve my sleepy grandson.  He had just woken from a nap, and had not known that I had arrived.  As they entered the living room, he smiled in recognition and then laid his sleepy head against his Mama's shoulder.  I waited patiently at the opposite end of the sofa, so he could shake off the dreamland that just enticed him in his crib.  

Moments later, my ten month old grandson crawled across the couch and wrapped his little arm around my neck, as he laid his head on my shoulder.  The seconds kept counting, as he didn't move and my heart imploded into so much love inside of me, that I rubbed his back and told him, "Ah, I miss you too!"

Then he moved a little closer, as he crawled up on my lap and gave me yet another hug... this time, putting his head on my opposite shoulder and he nuzzled into my neck.  In this very minute, the entire external world ceased to exist, as he mended my heart with his love.  

I was completely encased in such unconditional love from this little boy, that I now know life is a fantastic journey.  I feel absolutely sure that something beyond this world is in charge.  A force more powerful than we can ever imagine... a reckoning that love will survive the boundaries of death, because I realize love can solve every problem the world will ever face.

If we turn towards love in every instance, we will fix the problems at hand... and to the ones we think we've lost by death... we must now know that true love can never die.  I know this because in this moment with my grandson, I felt it with all my heart.



Don't miss another article by subscribing with your email address HERE.

MORE GRIEF RESOURCES HERE





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Wonderful Mother's Day Surprise From My Son In Heaven

By -
Image
Messages from beyond can soar a heart to grand levels. The veil is thinner than we think! Yesterday was Mother's Day and for a parent who has lost a child, it can be an emotional time with plenty of heartache to go around. For days leading up to Mother's Day, the pain in my heart did not cease to make me notice it.  I called out to my son multiple times, telling him I would love a sign and reassurance from him that he wasn't far from my current world. The hours ticked on yesterday, as I spent some time with my Mom and Daughter, as I couldn't bare to be away from them.  I searched desperately for some type of recognition that my son had somehow gotten a Mother's Day message to me in some way.  I stopped by the cemetery to visit his grave, and a little chipmunk ran along a tree trunk laying in the bush, but otherwise, all was silent. On my drive home last night, a red cardinal flew across the road, directly in front of my car (which in fact
Read more

Tucking A Shredded Heart Back In Where It Belongs

By -
Image
 It doesn't seem to matter how much time passes since our loved one was taken from this physical realm.  There will be moments that hit you like a brick, and the emptiness fills your shredded heart. Sometimes I catch a glance at my son's photo, and I yearn for his presence.  I know he comes to me in a spiritual way, to comfort me in the moment but I long for more.   The last days of his existence in this world plaque my mind, and I wish we had talked longer, hugged, and made the most of our last moments together.  Unfortunately, they ways of the world overtook us, as we had to cut his birthday celebration short as the next work day was looming over the evening. I remember picking him up the next morning to drive him to work, and as our last minutes were fading, we were consumed with the time on the clock.  We were running late on the highway, and when I pulled into the community to drop him off, the cement truck was waiting for him. He grabbed his items and rushed out of my car
Read more

Surviving Birthdays Is A Never-Ending Battle For Bereaved Parents

By -
Image
 When our loved ones are no longer here for special occasions, it can be a very  emotional time for those left behind. Finding a little solitude among the devastation in your heart, can gravitate you towards healing actions. Yesterday, I survived the 5th birthday without my son.  He should have turned 23 on September 21st, but instead, it was a reminder that he had been gone for five years.    As that day has come and went, I have taken the time to reflect on how I survived yet another milestone.  To be honest, I actually find the days and weeks leading up to a special occasion are more emotional for me, than the actual day.  It's like my brain begins to anticipate the upcoming date in anguish, or taunting thoughts about all that I don't have in my life.  Sometimes, it is difficult to push those negative ideas aside long enough to not be affected by their dire consequences of having a bit of a cry session. When the emotions get the best of me, I do succumb to their desire, and
Read more